Why Dementia?

What, you think it's easy to be a housewife, daughter, and a mom? Obviously, you're a member of the hairier sex, who thinks women have it easy.

It's TV's fault. When my mom was growing up, the biggest role model she had was that June Cleaver bitch: spotless house, two boys who never got into any real trouble, and a breakfast schedule that went like this:

1. Rise and shine before the male-folk get up.
2. Dress in an attractive gown.
3. Apply lipstick, heels, and pearl necklace.
4. Cook the perfect morning meal.
5. Greet hubby with a chaste kiss when he comes downstairs in his business suit.
6. Get everyone off to their appointed places.

I don't mind telling you, but I think that Cleaver woman was on some serious drugs. Whatever this magical concoction was, it not only made her want to clean everything in sight, but she got through the day with a smile on her lips and a song in her heart. Here in the real world, we lock up people like that until the drugs wear off or she leads the police to where the bodies are buried.

Let me tell you how MY typical day starts:

1. Rise (I refuse to shine) before the male-folk get up.
2. Go back to bed because it's too early (stupid weak bladder!)
3. Rise again and wake Touchdown King Kyle.
4. Go back to bed.
5. Rise again and wake TKK again.
6. Wake Randi and Kyle Jr.
7. Go back to bed.
8. Wake up and yell at everyone else for not being awake.
9. Dress in an attractive terrycloth robe.
10. Cook the perfect morning meal. (Eggos are nutritious AND delicious!)
11. Greet hubby with a "Shut up and sit down." as he comes downstairs in his underwear.
12. Tell everyone else to get out of my kitchen and get on the bus or in the car.

After that, with a smile on my lips and a song in my heart, I plop down in front of the computer. I know that sounds like I'm spending my time taking the easy route, but if you'll count the number of items above, you'll notice that I'm doing a lot more that that Cleaver woman every day. Add to the fact that ol' June didn't know how to sell things on Ebay, and you know I top her in every way imaginable.

Just so you know, I also make a delicious dinner for the gang. Once it's defrosted and warmed up, it's a great way to say "I love you" without having to get all gushy. Or actually cook. Honestly, I tried the full meal stuff when I first got married, but I gave that up because even if I fixed quail eggs in Hollandaise sauce, TKK will say "I had that for lunch." Frozen dinners come in so many choices that even if he had fried chicken, there's still sliced beef in gravy. The sliced beef in gravy is the same kind of food the cat gets, although his comes in a handy can. If I could get hubby to eat that too, my grocery bills would be much smaller.

So I'm not a domestic goddess, but I am a Cyber-Goddess, and you'll learn about my demented life here, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel.

Meow,
Danni